Parky and the Submarine!



I downloaded this game wondering what the hell is a Parky and what does his submarine do? I've played the game and I'm still wondering wtf Parky is and now I also would like to know... where's his bloody submarine? I played this game for ages and didn't see any!



Here's the first screen. Yep, it's one of those damn maze games. Touch the wall and you die. Touch an enemy and you die. In this game they don't move straight up and down either. Oh no! Technology has come a long way thanks to this game! Enemies appear from the same position they started in now! Plus they move DIAGONALLY sometimes! Oooooh! Technology! And you see those white bars? They CRUSH you by moving up and down! Oooooooh! On this screen we can also see the marvellous sprites. Err...Parky I think is that brown turd like object. But since Skiddies is also a brown turd like object, let's call him Skiddies. Skiddies and the Submarine. That cyan thing is err...a clam, I think...that yellow thing is an anorexic crab, that green thing is a box jellyfish and that blue thing is an egg whisk (maybe). It's so simple!



Here I am further in to the game. There is a gold thing there that you can collect but I dunno wtf it does. Here we have some um...diamond like fish, a springy thing (I think it's a sproing. "You triggered a sproing!"), a purple thing which I am sure is in that stupid Billy Bong game on Speccy and is called 'Sammy Smile' or something like that, a erm...duck with 2 penises (penii?), and a green tapeworm. And another clam. God this game rocks! Did I mention it was by the good people at Cheetahsoft? And didn't they make the infamous Action 52 cart? Uh oh!



An angler fish is after skiddies! Oh, and some other crap.



Here we have a turtle, a blue devil (he's a male devil, see!), and a MAGIC LAMP! Being curious, I picked up the lamp...



I TURNED BLUE! IT IS A POISON LAMP! AAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAAH! WOOOAH! COME ON! WOOOOAH! YEAH! WOAAAAH! GOOD GOSH! Sorry...my bad. It appears to remove the collision detection between sprites, which is handy.



Then I died cos' it ran out when I was over an enemy (wasn't it obvious it would?). I got back up to here, wherever here is. Here we have some seaweed, which is lethal, another male devil and a purple crawfish. Cos' crawfish are always purple. Where's my bloody submarine?



Here is a door. What is on the other side? I do not know! The white thingy killed me twice! So I am left wondering...WHERE IS THE DAMN SUBMARINE? We will probably never know! Which leaves us to the next question...WHO IS PARKY? ...


Obviously, he's Skiddies (pictured above). Skiddies is a fecal creature from the planet Stinkor (not related to the He-Man figure). His ambition is to take over the world with his batallion of Shitfire Jets and make it smell like poop. And here is his cousin from Anal Fantasy Remix, the Final Fantasy VII parody (successor to Anal Fantasy VII and Anal Fantasy Plus, which were very popular for some reason!)...


It's President Poofus of Binra Inc.! His ambition is...err...I forget. But I have a cool quote from him. "Don't you talk to me like that you hygenic bastard! I won't stand for that flowers!" Hehe...still funny. Err...yeah, so that's who Parky is. I do not know where his submarine is, though! It is just one of life's mysteries! If you know the answer, send me a screenshot!